This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
It was confusing and full of hummus
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize