Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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