Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize