great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
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i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize