too bad you live with your parents still
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
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you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
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I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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