my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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