Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize