Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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