You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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