so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
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he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
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The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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