1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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