i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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