White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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