how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
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