I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize