the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
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there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Randomize