I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
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