Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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