Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize