He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
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Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize