i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize