you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize