So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
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I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
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I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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