I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
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She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
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Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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