i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
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we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
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My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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