we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
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he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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