I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
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We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
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I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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