dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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