Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
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By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
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Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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