i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
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And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
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Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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