Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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