I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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