I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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