Don't make out with my wife yet
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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