i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I think i got beer on your cat.
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