its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize