how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
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they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
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I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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