"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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