I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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