I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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