Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
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When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
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Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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