dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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