He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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