i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize