Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
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