Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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