watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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