I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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