4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
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my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
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So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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