Will you blow on my dice?
this beer tastes like vomit already
I should be sponsored by Trojan
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize